Mothers and daughters

My mother and I have a complicated relationship. Not so much on her part, she loves me fiercely, but on mine. I love her, but she drives me crazy! I know ladies whose moms are their best friends, and I have always wondered how much of that is nurture and how much nature. Is their friendship based mainly on the fact that they're related, or would they have clicked if they had met out in the world somewhere?  Do they just happen to have complementary personalities? Or are they just really good at communicating and developing the relationship that they have, regardless of whether or not they would like each other outside of the realm of family?

My mother was a single mom, and her whole life was my sister and I. She didn't do much outside of work, didn't have many friends, didn't really do anything for fun. I felt that I was her only source of happiness, and I resented it.  I moved out of the house as soon as I could, and since then our relationship has been strained.
It's gotten better the last couple of years, but I don't think we will ever be overly close. On top of our history, we have very different personalities as well, so we were never destined to be best friends.

Now that I have a daughter, I'm hoping we will have a closer relationship than my mom and I. E is not quite two, so right now I'm her very best friend. (Though if I'm being honest, our dog Max is right up there too!). At this point all I can do is tell her I love her, build the strongest foundation I can, and hope that someday when she's grown she'll still think I'm as amazing as she does now.

WWVD?

E got to spend the morning with her Auntie (gotta love living next door to your sister in law!), so I got to spend a little time with a latte and Sam Vimes. Man oh man do I love me some Commander Vimes. He's sort of become my moral compass...anytime I have a problem, I ask myself what would Vimes do? I don't think he's steered me wrong yet.

Mixed feelings

Today, I found out a friend of mine is having a baby.

Her and I were pregnant with our first babies together, due 5 days apart. With both of us being first time moms, it was awesome to have a pregnancy buddy, someone who understood the need to try on 5 different outfits in order to find something that fit, or the amazingness that was an ice cold glass of chocolate milk first thing in the morning. Her little girl was born 6 days before my daughter, and only an ounce different in birth weight.

Now that she's on to her second baby, it's brought up a lot of different feelings for me. Happiness for her of course, but also a large amount of jealousy. Both times, it's taken her less than 4 months to get pregnant. It took me almost 2 years, a PCOS diagnosis, and a couple of rounds of Clomid to get pregnant with E. P and I have been talking about trying for number 2 for awhile now, and we've decided to hold off for a little bit, for various reasons, mainly financial. I know it's the right decision, but I still feel a little like we're being left behind. Soon we'll be the only couple out of our circle of friends that doesn't have two or more kids. It's a little ridiculous to feel like we're running out of time, I'm only 31, but deep down I'm worried that the Clomid won't work the second time around, and I don't know how far down the road of fertility treatments we'd be willing to go. Putting the cart ahead of the horse a bit, I know.

All that aside, I'm excited to be able to buy tiny baby clothes for a good friend again :)

A beginning.

Hello out there.

The last few years, I've realized that I don't really know myself anymore. Especially since my daughter was born, I don't have a good answer when people ask, "what do you like to do?" Everything that I used to be passionate about has sort of fallen by the wayside...music, writing, baking....all the things that are easy to push aside when life gets in the way. I've decided that 2014 is the year I find myself again, and this blog is the first step on that journey.

I'm not quite sure yet what this space will turn into, but welcome. I'm glad you're here.